Safe Horizon's 10 Signs that you may be experiencing relationship abuse. With a little ad-lib from Bettina.
Does your boy/girlfriend...
- Act jealous or possessive, like tell you who to hang out with or what to wear?
- Make threats to hurt you or someone you care about?
- Threaten to hurt him/herself if you want to end the relationship?
- Pressure you sexually, such as touch you or force you to have sex against your will? (Yes, you CAN be raped even if you are in a relationship with that person)
- Act physically aggressive towards you or not respect your personal space, like hold, pinch, grab, kick, shove you, or give you 'light' punches?
- Spread rumors about you, insult you in front of friends or do anything else that is meant to make you feel bad about yourself?
- Steal money from you, or intentionaly break something valuable of yours, like an iPod or jewelry?
- Follow you around, give you unwanted gifts, leave you threatening messages on your cell or email -- all of which are forms of stalking.
- Isolate you from people that you may usually count on for support, like friends or family?
- Say things like, "I only do it because I love you..." "If only you would do what I tell you..." or "You asked for it..." and other things that are blaming and manipulative? (Another key phrase is if they tell you "No one will love you the way I do..." or "I'm the only person for you...")
If this is happening, girl, you have options! Think about what you want from a relationship.
What you SHOULD DO
Ask yourself: “What do I want to get out of dating?” No one ever thinks “I want to be disrespected and hurt.” Try this instead, “In a relationship, I want trust, respect, honesty and affection.”
Trust your instincts: If something feels wrong in a relationship, it probably is. And if ti keeps feeling wrong, remember that it’s okay to break up with your partner at any time. There are plenty of other fish in the sea, and perhaps it’s just not your time. Everyone needs a little ‘me’ time every once in a while.
Talk to a trusted girlfriend. If something about your relationship make you feel angry, scared or confused, find a non-objective girlfriend to talk to who can help you sort things out. You don’t want someone who will encourage you to stay with your partner because of their status, money, material items OR someone who will just agree with everything you say, but not offer a solution. You need sound advice and a good strong ear.
Get help. Call 911 if you are in immediate danger. Keep a log at work of everything that goes on in your home. Call safety hotlines such at 1-800-621-HOPE.
What you better NOT DO
Blame yourself. The only person to blame for abuse is the one who is choosing to be abusive.
Fight fire with fire. Self-defense means protecting yourself in order to escape a dangerous situation – it’s not about trying to get revenge. Wanting to fight back is understandable if someone is hurting you, but this may only escalate the situation and do more harm that good.
Settle for someone that is violent or abusive. Television, movies and even friends and family say say that a relationship makes you ‘complete’. This ain’t so!! An abusive relationship can leave you completely scared, isolated, hurt, Eff up your children, or even worse, you could be dead! Choose being single and safe over an unhealthy relationship. And don’t stay for the sake of the children. That will not help to create a strong family nucleus in their eyes.
The bottom line is that we ALL deserve to be in loving, respectful and health relationship! No if’s, ands, or butts!! For more information and for other helpful tips, visit Safe Horizon online at www.safehorizon.org
Until next time… be safe and
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